Handling Relationships.....

Many a times I do wonder seeing my parents who handle each other so well , eventhough small fights keeps on happening..so many misunderstandings keeps on swirling between them.Earlier even I thought I would be able to handle all my relationships with the same attitude that my parents used to show with each other.Never at any point in my life ,till now, have I thought a moment will huddle in front of me where I'l be standing facing so many relations ...and not knowing how to handle each of them in its own way!

Iam here talking about the relationship basically vth my peer opposites...I was too late compared vth others to start making up good relations vth my peer opposites..I never cared about having such bonds and was totally unaware of what it brings out in my life...The start of such a relationship had given me so much so happiness....(now i wonder if it was really meant for me!)...so much have changed in me ever since.I used to feel ecstacy at one point in my life...but as life moves on, a wierd thought has hastened my mind so efficaciously that I have started having a conflict nevertheless so ravishing!

I was able to take away all my relationships so smoothly along with my life..but now something strange ...some unknown gust of thought has wrapped me up which is giving me a tough time handling my relationships..Now I wonder why have I gone deep into many a relationship..I wonder did I really had to go such deep??At times I feel I hate all those who have been my close ones...I feel I should never have had any of them ....Iam independent..I ought to be independent...

I really dont know what have made me think like this..but as of now am really having a tough time sustaining all the relationships..some, which have unknowingly been mended and some which I myself have mended ...I feel to breakup all the links that have kept me bound in this small litttle world of mine..I thrive..i long to be myown self...I have always been under the influence of one or the other..previously i loved to be under the influence of someone...i loved to have someone to take control of me..but now i truely hates anything thats trying to make its impact on me...I purposely avoid all such moves all such minute happenings that may have had some impact on me...I always yearned to be independent..to be my own...but never have i been able to achieve what i actually wanted....Today,still I dont feel I have or I will be able to climb even one of th steps to my desire...but may be that longing for my independence have suddenly become so strong that it has started erupting out of my mind so furiously indicating what i have always thought,perhaps is not that far ........